Can we get som Prozac for Julie... PLEASE

Open Letter to Julie Totalamo of Palm Springs, CA

You crazy bitch!

Thank you for your nutty, nutty call today. Not only did you make me laugh, you also gave me opportunity to scream at somebody, (something I typically reserve for my blog.) It was quite cathartic. My only regret is that you hung up before I called you a Cod-Bag. You missed the best part.

You’ll have to forgive me for forgetting your 9-month old eBay transaction. While I am sure it was a milestone event for you, we do about 300-500 sales per month. So it should be no wonder that I was surprised by your accusation that I had sold you a used sink as new. Add in the fact that we have sold nearly 20 identical sinks without issue and you start to see why I might have pursued an inquisitive, nay, confused tact in our conversation.

Now I agree it might have been rude of me to transfer the phone to myself when you demanded to talk to the manager. And it probably came off as inflammatory when I offered to put you on with the owner and then did it again. Likewise, I probably should not have laughed as you started to boil over with clinically pathological rage. That was wrong. But in my defense, I only briefly considered faxing you a picture of my ass when you demanded to see a copy of my drivers license and I probably wouldn’t have followed through with it anyway. And it was true when I told you stainless steel can’t "rot away"… It’s science. I googled it.

I sensed by the beating of your cell phone against your dash that you were a tad upset, so I went ahead and researched your complaint. Using the item ID you yelled at me at the beginning of our conversation, I used Pay Pal to track it down. Sure enough, in December of 2008 you bought a Commercial-grade stainless steel sink from us. You paid for it December 19th and then two days later we refunded your money because you indicated you had found one cheaper locally. We never shipped you a sink because, in true Cod-Bag fashion, you welched on the deal.

So you see, you bat-shit crazy, money-grubbing whore, I was right to question the premise of your call. You were completely off base and, I suspect, off your meds. If you have misplaced your Paxil I suggest looking under the cushions of your couch, under the seat of your car or the at the bottom of your gigantic eighties-style purse. If you can’t find them by morning, please call your doc. You need to be medicated for your own safety and the safety of those around you.

If you are institutionalized, please forward your address so that we may send you your Cod-Bag Certificate. You've earned it.

Yours Truly,
Tom