Thursday, August 20, 2009

It's no High Definition LCD TV but the price is right.

I actually had a guy suggest today that we should drum up business by giving away a free big screen LCD or Plasma TV in some sort of contest. Now, I used to work in an electronics store that rhymes with Future Shop a few years back and I can tell you good readers that it's been my experience that contests for free things nearly always end in tears.

I've seen just about every possible outcome from free giveaway contests and not one of them has been good. Arguments with customers, salespeople, managers, fistfights, threatened lawsuits and customers storming out to bad-mouth your business to the world. What does this all have to do with anything? Well, I just wanted to tell everyone that I've made some improvements to our free Craigslist Hit Counter. It's free for everyone and you don't have to enter a contest to get it. In fact, on our Free Craigslist Hit Counter page.

In short, it's no High Definition, Blu-Ray capable, 1080p LCD large screen TV but it is free and some of you industrious types could use it to make some extra dough and buy an LCD TV. Actually, if you're already buying one, check the new LED TVs. They are as thin as I am fat. Word is bond, Seacrest out

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Can we get som Prozac for Julie... PLEASE

Open Letter to Julie Totalamo of Palm Springs, CA

You crazy bitch!

Thank you for your nutty, nutty call today. Not only did you make me laugh, you also gave me opportunity to scream at somebody, (something I typically reserve for my blog.) It was quite cathartic. My only regret is that you hung up before I called you a Cod-Bag. You missed the best part.

You’ll have to forgive me for forgetting your 9-month old eBay transaction. While I am sure it was a milestone event for you, we do about 300-500 sales per month. So it should be no wonder that I was surprised by your accusation that I had sold you a used sink as new. Add in the fact that we have sold nearly 20 identical sinks without issue and you start to see why I might have pursued an inquisitive, nay, confused tact in our conversation.

Now I agree it might have been rude of me to transfer the phone to myself when you demanded to talk to the manager. And it probably came off as inflammatory when I offered to put you on with the owner and then did it again. Likewise, I probably should not have laughed as you started to boil over with clinically pathological rage. That was wrong. But in my defense, I only briefly considered faxing you a picture of my ass when you demanded to see a copy of my drivers license and I probably wouldn’t have followed through with it anyway. And it was true when I told you stainless steel can’t "rot away"… It’s science. I googled it.

I sensed by the beating of your cell phone against your dash that you were a tad upset, so I went ahead and researched your complaint. Using the item ID you yelled at me at the beginning of our conversation, I used Pay Pal to track it down. Sure enough, in December of 2008 you bought a Commercial-grade stainless steel sink from us. You paid for it December 19th and then two days later we refunded your money because you indicated you had found one cheaper locally. We never shipped you a sink because, in true Cod-Bag fashion, you welched on the deal.

So you see, you bat-shit crazy, money-grubbing whore, I was right to question the premise of your call. You were completely off base and, I suspect, off your meds. If you have misplaced your Paxil I suggest looking under the cushions of your couch, under the seat of your car or the at the bottom of your gigantic eighties-style purse. If you can’t find them by morning, please call your doc. You need to be medicated for your own safety and the safety of those around you.

If you are institutionalized, please forward your address so that we may send you your Cod-Bag Certificate. You've earned it.

Yours Truly,

Hit Counter Technical Issues

Good People of codbag land,

We(and when I say "we" I really mean "I") have been having some technical difficulties recently with the hit counter being really slow. I have been feverishly (and when I say feverishly, I mean "at my usual snails pace") to correct these issues. Some have been resolved but some of my true enemies have yet to reveal themselves. (10 points if you can tell me where I got that line).

Anyway, I hope you continue to enjoy my splendiferous hit counters.

Monday, August 17, 2009

Twitter me served!

Cod-Bag, Please.

I am not even sure this guy can be considered a Cod-Bag. He's almost too sad and pathetic to qualify.
Our shop got several cases of slot car parts. motors, chassis, gears, wheels, tires, and miscellaneous little bits. Apparently the technology has progressed significantly since I was a kid, smashing them into Lego roadblocks. Anyway, we listed them on eBay because that's where you find this sort of "niche" customer. Within a day we get this well-crafted message. (do your best to read it. Its entertaining in itself.)
“will this little power house fit in just SCX or any other name brand car like ninco as i have a pile of motor now they just fit slot it and I'm not sure it the are better then want i got in the car i only race 2 solt its at home there no real slot car store with a big track with in 100 mi and the one i new of is over 200 mi. away and i dont think they in business any longer and its the 3rd largest town (city) in MO. so i buy things that dont fit even if hot slots says it will and then they say call they manufacturer i didn't buy it from them i bought it from you hot shot that my commentary for the day back to the trasins i have never had a problem with that atlas loco parts do not and will not fit buchman locos and both come with a warrentry card and parts list and all rolling can be made to inter change wheels and some bottoms track same way as long will it works to somtime you have to cut something of the track with road bed but slot car once you out fo HO forget it thats enoughh it”
After I uncrossed my eyes and shook the stupid off my frontal lobe, I responded:
“Thank you for your question.” (I assumed there was a question in there somewhere even though there was no punctuation to confirm that.) “We are a freight liquidator. We do not specialize in any of the items we sell. However, here is a link to a helpful website that may assist you:”
Jose CodBago had this retort:
“thats was my point nobody know crap about slot cars srry nothing personal”
Oh, Snap! Consider me served. Score one point to Incoherent Slot Car Geek. This is what happens when you learn the English language by following Paris Hilton’s tweets on twitter. Apparently that top line on the keyboard is reserved for clever emoticons. ( * )

Thursday, August 13, 2009

A brand new freakin' Treadmill ...

Alright Craigslisters, see if you can top this one...

I'm selling a brand new, just out of the crate, commercial treadmill. Retail value... $5000. Selling for... $2500. I get an e-mail from a lady who apparently could use a treadmill but due to some unforeseen financial setbacks over the last, say, 45 years, finds herself somewhere in the neighborhood of $2500 shy. Here's an excerpt from her response to my ad...

"I saw your treadmill on Craigslist and it would go perfectly in my home gym. If nobody takes it can I just have it? oh, and by the way, I don't have a vehicle so can you load it up and drive it over to my place in shantytown? "

I'm not sure how stretchy your apple bag has to be to hold stones big enough to ask these questions but you're definitely working with some square yardage. I don't know about you good readers out there but my mom would hit me in the head with a frozen salmon if she even heard I was begging for stuff on Craigslist or anywhere else.

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

It's true! The mildly popular Craigslist Hit Counter has received a facelift!

We here at have given birth to a brand new baby Craigslist hit counter! Actually, the stork brought it to us and frankly it was pretty freaky to have this big random bird just show up out of nowhere. I mean, are these things even able to live in our climate and what do they eat? I digress...

The point is that the mildly popular free Craigslist hit counter is about 23% better than before if that's even possible. The important part is that it's still priced affordably(free) and you don't have to use it for Craigslist. You can use it anywhere you want a hit counter. All we ask is that you don't alter the code in any way.

But wait, there's more!
We are now working on a pro version of the hit counter that includes a lot more goodness. You'll get:
  • By day hit counts
  • By hour hit counts
  • Charting
  • Tracking by ad
What would you expect to pay for a tool like this? ones, tens, thousands!! Because we're not particularly bright here, we haven't figured out how to charge for these things so you'll get this one free too. Anyway, it's coming soon. Let us know what you think.

Monday, August 10, 2009

Cod Bag Quickie

Ebay user, blizzardc, writes:

"Are you an idiot or what? thinking someone is going to pay that much for a filter?"

Apparently blizzrdc failed to recognize this was a lot of 12 automotive oil filters. Thus the per unit price was just under a dollar each... about 1/5 what they cost at a car parts store.

Thanks for making my Monday blizzardc. Not only are you a tremendous Cod-Bag, but you take the time to spread good cheer in the form of time-wasting stupid comments. You are one for the books... or at least the blogs.

Cod-Bag on my righteous son!

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

Thanks loser! Now get your own high definition TV

I thought I had seen, named and cataloged just about every crazy Craigslist buyer tactic until the other day when I heard about this gem from the person that it happened to. The names have been changed to protect the embarassed. For our purposes here, we'll call the buyer Ethel and the seller Mike and I'll paraphrase for the sake of hilarity.

Ethel: Yes, hello? I'd like to purchase your high definition projection TV. Mine just went out and my husband is sick. He really likes to watch Murder She Wrote in high definition.

Mike: OK. When would you like to pick it up?

Ethel: I was hoping I could get you to deliver it. I'm in my 80's and I'm not able to pick it up.

Mike: OK, I was brought up to respect my elders and I'm a nice guy. I'll be right over.

(Mike gets in his car and drives 20 minutes to Ethel's house - brrrmrmrmrmmrmmr)

Mike: Where would you like me to set this TV up Ethel?

Ethel: Oh, just set it up in the corner. Could you help me with all the cables and such? I don't know how to do all that stuff.

Mike: Well, I have to get going, but I suppose I can set it up for you.

Mike: I'm just going to go out to my truck and get the manual and I'll be right back.

Ethel: OK

(Mike steps off Ethel's porch and the following happens)
  1. Door slams
  2. lock turns
  3. lights go out
  4. crickets sound
Mike: Uh, Ethel? (knock, knock, knock), Ethel? (knock knock)

(Fast forward through ten minutes more of knocking and phone calls...)

Mike: Son of a bitch, bastard! I just got ripped off by an old lady!

(Mike drives away - brrrmmrmmmmmmm)

Anyone have a story to top this? It's 100% true, by the way.