Once a CodBag…

This one started out as a classic CodBag and just got better.

We listed a cracked-screen Sony Bravia on eBay. It was big and heavy so we used the calculated shipping option. The listing ended and shortly after we got an e-mail requesting an invoice. EBay veterans know where this is going. Either the buyer is too retarded to use the PayPal checkout which clearly states the shipping OR they are setting you up to debate the shipping charges. In this case it was predictably the latter.

”Given that, you can definitely ship this for way less than $130, right? I just got the same television on another account and it was sent to me for just $70, and I sent a KDL-46V4100 from coast to coast NY to CA for $79. Please advise. Thanks for your time.”

OK CodBags, here’s the deal. The shipping is what the shipping is. When you bid on an item you need to factor in the PUBLISHED shipping just like everyone else. It is not up for negotiation after you have won the item.

I re-sent the original invoice and two days later I got a call. To his credit the guy played dumb and conned me into wasting 15 minutes getting him a shipping quote. Surprisingly the quote came out exactly the same as eBay’s quote… weird, right?

So I sent him the same invoice again and he called back asking me to squirrel the invoice around to roll the shipping up into the price of the item and show shipping as free so he could execute some trivial coupon scam on PayPal. “Oh, and by the way, I need it right away because my coupon expires today.”

Yes, CodBag. Please let me waste ten dollars of my time to save you ten dollars. What a douche.

Two days later we finally got payment and sent the thing via FedEx Home. CodBag, Dismissed.

But Wait! That was not the end of his CodBaggery.

Yesterday I got yet another call. I picked up the phone and identified myself in my traditional manner, “Coho, this is Tom.”
A rude New Yorker responded “What’s your name?”
“My name is Tom?”
“Tome?”
“Tom.”
How do you spell that?”
“It’s Tom, T – O – M. What can I do for you sir?”
“Its T – O – M, but you pronounce it Tome?”
If the caller ID hadn’t indicated New York I would have sworn I was being pranked by a friend.
But this guy was for real. I paused, collected my temper and calculated the fastest way out of this phone call.
“Sure,” I responded, “What can I do for you?”

It was our hearing impaired, post-auction negotiating, PayPal defrauding TV buddy. He proceeded to lay into me about how long it had taken for his TV to arrive and now the tracking number showed it being returned per shipper’s instructions, “What the hell?” he shouted, “When were you planning on telling me you weren’t sending me my TV?”

Still trying to take the high road, I looked up the shipment and, sure enough, it was on its way back and, per FedEx’s tracking info, it appeared to be my fault. But we hadn’t had any conversations with FedEx. Something was wrong. So I stumbled around for a minute trying to figure out what was going on and agreed to call FedEx and get some answers.

The girl on the other end was great. She looked it up and found that our broken TV had fallen off the conveyors and been broken in transit. “Oh no!” I exclaimed, “I hope it didn’t crack the screen.”

“I’m afraid so,” she empathized in a sexy Memphis drawl. “According to the notes, it appears to be a total loss.”

I expressed my gratitude for her help and quickly hung up before I was overtaken by an uncontrollable evil chortle. I then called Chase, the CodBag, explained that it was FedEx’s policy to return items they destroy in transit without attempting delivery. I faked an apology and offered him a full refund which he accepted.

So here is one of those cases where Tom’s an asshole, wins a moral victory and comes out on top financially. Man that new Bravia is going to look great in my living room. Thanks FedEx and thank you CodBag... If you hadn't been such a dick-head I might have felt bad about screwing you over. Muuuuuhhhhhhahahaha!